Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Misadventures of Wondermom:

True Story #527

In this episode, we join our heroine at the local playground where she and her rag-tag band of mini-heroes -- Primo, Brain (aka Captain Kindergarten), and Princess Peanut -- are training in an attempt to further hone their superpowers. Little do they realize that a routine training session can lead to some of the greatest challenges they have yet to face.

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Climbing deftly to the top of a rotationally molded, ultraviolet light stabilized polyethylene plastic behemoth from the deep, Brain calls out to one and all "Look at MEEEeeeeeeee!"

But he realizes his fateful error too late! Increased visual attention has thwarted Brain's grip of ultimate firmness. (Either that, or it was his slippery supermittens...) At any rate, his cry for attention echoes endlessly as he plummets into the mulchy abyss.

Instantly, his faithful companion Primo is at his side to assess the extent of the damage.

As Brain writhes silently amid the wood chips, Primo asks a series of probing questions.

"Did you hurt your head?"

Brain shakes his head, no.

"Did you hurt your back?" no.

"Did you hurt your arm? your legs? your nose? your funny bone?" no, no, no, and no.

"Did you hurt your..." Primo looks shiftily from side to side and envokes his power of stealth-speech, "tenders?"

Wondermom's superhearing powers up.

She continues to push Princess Peanut on the swing and notes to herself that four viewings of Kung Fu Panda seem to have brought some new terminology into the mini-heroes' vocabulary.

After what seems (to his brother) like an eternity, Brain musters the strength to speak.

"Not my tenders." he states in clinical gasps, "the place right next to them." A pause. "I think it's called your groan."

Brain surreptitiously indicates the place to his trusted friend.

[Pretending not to pay attention, Wondermom invokes her power of giggle suppression.]

Primo places a sympathetic hand on Brain's shoulder. His tone is instructive. "That's not your groan. It's your crutches."

[Wondermom boosts giggle suppression to maximum.]

Brain responds, "Yeah? Well, I think I just broke my crutches."

With naked shock and deep concern, Primo sets his supervoice on full power, "Mom! BRAIN JUST BROKE HIS CRUTCHES! HELP!"

"Oh, no!" thinks Wondermom, "full failure of giggle suppression systems!"

The laughs are coming! She is powerless to stop them!

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Can Wondermom regain her composure?

Will flashbacks reduce her to teary-eyed laughter?

Find out next time on --

Misadventures of Wondermom!

7 comments:

  1. Cute story, kids say the silliest things. My son keeps insisting nipples make you strong.

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  2. Oh man--I knew right away what tenders were--too much Kung Fu Panda at our house too:) But then? Oh I am still laughing at that conversation!

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  3. Oh man, that's too funny. Boys- whatever will we do with them?

    Thanks for sharing the laugh.

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  4. Very cute - thanks for the trip back in time. My kids are grown - not grown up, mind you, haha - but I sometimes forget the crazy days.
    suZen

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  5. Man, I'm still laughing about that conversation.

    [wipes tears]

    Stories like this make me glad I write.

    Thanks for the comments, everyone.
    - Julia

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  6. It's good to meet a mom who is just as silly as her kids!

    I bet you all have fun together. :)

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  7. That is hilarious!
    No laughter suppression over here. I was laughing at the "tenders" and it just got better.
    I love the things kids say.

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