The Deep Well of Motherhood

What is the source of a Mother's courage? Of her strength? They come from somewhere deep inside all of us. They come from the care and support we give to each other. They exist without intention or recognition; we do what we do simply because we are Mothers.

When a new Mother is expecting, she waits and dreams about the future. She wonders and worries if her baby will be healthy and whether she will be any good at the monumental task of mothering. Facing feelings of fear and choosing to educate oneself in response are acts of courage, the first signs of what is to come. We watch every bite of food and drink that passes our lips, forgoing medicine because of its effect on the baby, shifting our focus from our self as one person to two as we metamorphose into Mothers. We are tested to relinquish control and to trust in new ways as our bodies grow and change.

Once our children are born, we grow with them, teaching and tending. Their victories make our hearts leap and their challenges gnaw at the pit of our stomachs. We carefully foster our child's sense of self, allowing her to experience the world in its variety. We learn to step aside, to allow our child to bask in success without having to share the spotlight. We learn to let go, to let our child fail or succeed all by himself, so that he can own his achievement. We pick up our little girl and dust her off and set her on her way again, knowing that in doing so we empower her to do the same for herself down the road. We listen, we advise, we enrich. It is the mission of Motherhood, our calling, our vocation.

At the beginning of the journey, the first test of our Mother's courage, we face the unknowns of labor and care for our newborn child. Sometimes, we face much more. My husband's cousin was diagnosed with breast cancer while her youngest son was in the womb. She delayed treatment until she could be assured her baby would be safe from its effects. Her son never knew his mother without cancer, and although her battle ended when he was only five years old, she would not have changed her decision to bring her vibrant, healthy boy into this world whole. That is bravery, sacrifice, strength.

Many Mothers dream of adopting and patiently wait, enduring the scrutiny of strangers and repeated disappointments so they can give a child a loving home. They nurture their adopted children in a way the circumstance of birth would have made otherwise impossible. Often, they rescue and give children who have been abused, mistreated, or neglected the gifts of acceptance and love. Adoptive mothers are courageous volunteers, displaying a brand of dedication all their own.

The courage of a mother can reveal itself in the face of loss, when we lose a child whom we have not even been blessed to know. Mothers don't like to talk about the pain of miscarriage, but it remains even years later. I can testify to the truth of that. But we do not let it beat us; we face that pain and move forward. After my own miscarriage, my spirit was crushed under the weight of a sadness so profound it is difficult to describe. In time, I became pregnant again and gave birth to my second son. I was so grateful for another chance, another child to love. He was my miracle. Only later did my husband admit that he considered the way I carried him and loved him and was renewed by him an act of courage. I never thought of it that way. I was just his Mother.

Mothers often have to hear life's most difficult truths from the mouth of a doctor. Our child may have Downs Syndrome or Autism; she has suffered a stroke; he has a seizure disorder. A doctor informs us that our daughter or son will not walk or talk or eat or learn the same way as other children. And though the truth of that shatters a part of every mother's dreams for her child, we gather ourselves up and move forward. We patiently teach, we become unpaid speech therapists and pediatric nurses. My sister spent seven years of her son's life sleeping on a chair in his hospital room and could put in an IV when no nurse on the floor could. Mothers can be the best, most courageous advocates and the foremost experts on their child's condition. Mothers of the sick are, to my mind, some of the most self-sacrificing courageous creatures ever created on this Earth. Yet, if you admire their endurance and strength, often they will shrug it off as nothing special. It is special.

Mothers give and derive strength from our networks of support. We help guide each other, we listen to each other, we appreciate each other. What is it about Mothers that makes it possible -- despite the chaotic nature of our own lives -- when another mom is in trouble, to respond without question? When my young nephew passed away, my girlfriends set aside their own schedules to cook for my husband and the boys, to babysit when needed, so I could fly across the country with my infant daughter for his funeral. Those girls, my fellow moms, were a part and source of my strength. They eased my burden and made it possible for me to comfort my sister, a mom facing what no mother should ever have to.

But even when the situation is not difficult, but everyday, Mothers are courageous. Single mothers bravely balance work and their child's care, never letting hard work or a hard life make them hard individuals. We need to recognize the difficulty of what single moms do, with little or no backup. It is, in my mind, superhuman.

Elderly mothers, our grandmothers, can face pain, illness, and loneliness while their children live their busy lives. We should honor them and support them. We should visit them and send them cards that say, THANK YOU for being the amazing woman you are. My own grandmother has a brilliant sense of humor and a full, throaty laugh. She is an artist and taught me how to cook. She is a vibrant woman who has lived a full, courageous life, surviving the Depression and war, loss of siblings, children, husband. She deserves honor and love and care.

And my own mother, who has so often faced trouble with a quiet, prayerful faith that leaves me in awe of her stillness, has a reserve that I will never possess -- a grace that should be cherished. Her three daughters are all mothers now, and she helps us and listens to us and guides us to make our best decisions. She takes care of her health meticulously, which takes some measure of inner strength. For a year, she has endured Graves Disease without allowing it to shatter her sense of purpose or self. She is my unwavering friend. She does not just have strength, she embodies it.

There is no Mom I know, no family I know, who has had an entirely easy life. That's not what life or Motherhood is or is meant to be. Instead, Motherhood contains unspeakable joys and the deepest sorrows. It tests the core of who we are. It defines us in many ways. It changes us.

When I am honest about my own mothering, I must admit that I fail as often as I succeed. I am not as patient as I should be. I am temperamental. Sometimes the effort to deal with a situation creatively proves too much for me. But no Mother is the perfect Mother. I believe learning from my failures is a part of the journey. Facing my weaknesses and trying to do better next time is a part of the process. Continually learning what I can to be a better parent, accepting that I sometimes need help, taking time to reset and recharge, all help me to be a better Mother -- not perfect, but better.

Sometimes, I have to dig down for the strength to begin again.

Fortunately for me, the well of Motherhood is deep. From it, I can draw strength and endurance and courage. From the example of the women around me, the other mothers who are a part of my life, I can find renewal.

Maybe that's why I am taking the time to appreciate the power and wonder and courage of Mothers and of Motherhood itself today. With Mother's Day on the horizon, it seems like the perfect time.

To my fellow Moms, I wish you warmth and joy and continued strength in the coming year. Thank you for all you do, and Happy Mother's Day.


- Midwest Mom

Mother's Day Gift Idea: How to Make Garden Stepping Stones

Home-made stepping stones make the perfect Mother's Day gift. They are easy to personalize, fun to put together, and when done right they will last a good long time.

The first time I made stepping stones was about eight years ago. My mother placed a request with all her children's families. She wanted a stepping stone in her garden from each of her grandchildren for Mother's Day. At the time, my oldest child was still an infant. So my husband and I sat down to plan his stone for him.

My husband's job was to figure out the best concrete mix to use to survive frozen Northeast Winters. My job was to design the stone. I am a stained-glass artist and my workshop was filled with scraps and shards of colored glass. So, I made a mosaic ocean scene with seaweed and cute fish. My mother loved it.

Then, two years ago, we did a similar project for my Mother-in-law, who had recently built a shade garden. She has 10 grandchildren, so we gathered more kid-friendly supplies, had the Dads mix some cement, and spent Mother's Day at Grandma's house making stepping stones for her. She loved them, and the children love walking through her garden and seeing their creations.


For this project, you'll need the following items:

~ Portland Cement
~ Coarse Sand
~ Water

~ Transparent, light plastic planter drip trays (to use as molds.) You can find them at your local garden center in a variety of sizes. I like to use the largest size, 14 inches in diameter.

~ Colored glass beads or gems
~ Seashells
~ Polished rocks
~ Colored glass pieces (for mosaic designs)



Instructions:

1. First, Mix your Cement. (Here are some basic mixing instructions and the proportions of cement to sand to water.) Because the stepping stones should have a smooth appearance, we have avoided using gravel aggregate. Instead, we increase the proportion of sand in the mix to make the stepping stones resist cracking. Some hardware stores sell cement mix with embedded fibers in the mix. This can be a great option for those wanting to purchase a ready-made mix. [Note: Cement can burn skin with prolonged contact. Be sure to wear work gloves and appropriate clothing. This is no time to make a fashion statement.]

2. Next, arrange the circular mold on a level surface situated where you want the stepping stone to dry. The area you choose should be part-shaded and free from any sort of falling leaves or other tree debris. (So, not under the Maple tree!) Pour the cement into the mold, filling it right up to the top.

3. Gather your decorations and arrange them in a pretty design. You can make hand-prints or scratch a child's name into the stone, too. As the cement rests, water will rise to the surface. Gently press the decorations farther into the cement at this point, making sure that outer edges (especially anything sharp) is buried in the stone. If you're using beads, this extra pressure will bury them deeply enough to keep them from popping out as the stone wears.

4. Leave the stone undisturbed to dry for the length of time listed on the cement packaging. If you're planning to ship the stones to Mom, keep them in their tray-molds (like those pictured). If you're going to place them in your own garden, just gently flip the dried stone over and cut away the mold with a utility knife.

These are fun to make and are guaranteed to please the gardener in your family. They don't cost a lot to make, but trust me, Mom will think of you every time she looks at your stepping stone. Because it is a gift that lasts, garden stones will help Mom feel the love of her family every time she steps into the garden.

In my mind, that's a very good thing.

- Midwest Mom

My Simple Hopes for Mother's Day

I don't consider myself to be a high-maintenance woman.

And yet...

When it comes to holidays like Mother's day, my uber-intelligent husband is usually stumped.

On the off-chance that he is a regular reader of Midwest Moms, I'm going to make things easy for him this year by listing my simple hopes for the day. And I'll bet dollars to doughnuts the price tag at the end will be within reach.

On Mother's Day, I want...

• My husband to be the one who gets up and showers early so that he can help the children get dressed for church. I also want the luxury of an extra five minutes of silence in the shower, and of choosing only my own church clothes, not everyone else's.


• To get family obligations (i.e. any visit or gift-giving or phone calls to my Mom or his Mom) done before noon. Afternoon and evening belong to me. I am hereby claiming them.


• Home-made drawings from my children. Honestly, they are the best gifts the kids can give me, and I will never tire of getting them. Hallmark and American Greetings have absolutely nothing that will out-do my kids. (And I save every drawing, so you know I must love them!)


• Time outdoors. If it's good weather, I want to be outside. So, if you're planning, plan to be out. (Hint: pack a bag with essentials, like sunscreen and drinks... It's what I would do.)
  


• A clean kitchen at the end of the day (that I didn't clean!) I don't care if we eat every meal and snack out for the entire day or if we just use paper plates and napkins all day. I just don't want to wash a single dish on Mother's day -- or have a pile of them waiting for the day after.


• A letter from the man I love. It doesn't have to be the great American novel, but it does have to help me feel appreciated for all the things I love to do for our family.

That's it. Pretty simple. I don't require diamonds or roses or a trip to Europe (although, if you're planning that, super!) I just want an easy day with my family with a few of the usual burdens lifted from my shoulders.

Now, isn't that easy?

- Midwest Mom