A Message to My Love

I dedicate this post to Green Girl in Wisconsin, whose humor and poetry have inspired me today. And to Joe, of course, who leaves a little something waiting for me every morning.
_________________________

Ode to Joe


Lost in your darkness
And that of the world outside
I pry lids apart to gaze at your beauty
And awake, dream of richness.

My other half has made you
Unadulterated
Pure on the edge of night
No trace of dreaded decaf in sight.

I drink you in
gratefully.
Your taste is silk
with a touch of milk.

Imbibing I sit
Before the glowing.
Offspring linger on the horizon,
Threatening.

They stir
Not as horrible
As imagined

So I too stir
And sip
And adore you.

- Midwest Mom

Resilience

resilient: adj. capable of resuming its shape, position, etc. after being subjected to stress, elastic. [from the Latin, resiliens, resilire, to spring back]

I often say it is my goal to raise independent, resilient children. As a Mom, though, it's hard to gauge how resilient I actually am.

At first, the relentless physical and emotional demands of caring for a tiny baby, of being responsible for his well-being, even feeding him from my very self, was a shock. It took a good six weeks for me to come to terms with the fact that motherhood was a 24 hour per day job. Until I did, resilience eluded me.

But with time and help, I adjusted. That first stretching into the new shape of motherhood almost broke me, but didn't. To my surprise I found I had a stronger, more flexible core than I imagined.

I have come to love being a Mom. And I have learned that this process of stretching, reaching, snapping back occurs on multiple levels over days, weeks, even years. Every childhood phase, medical scare or job worry pulls at me. In time each stress passes. I adjust and make my way again.

My life as a Mom has its undisputed high points. I had a few moments on Easter day when I stood fully in the warm sunbeam of familial love. When I felt the perfection of the day and of our life. It couldn't have felt better. What a contrast from those first difficult days.

There are lows as well, sometimes right on the heels of the highs.

On Monday, I was pounded by relentless waves of bickering. The children clawed through their last day of vacation by finding innovative ways to annoy and betray one another. I grew tired of the rancor. It was an assault to my spirit and my senses.

The sole piece of mail I received that day was a one-line rejection of a resume I had submitted to a local non-profit. It was for a job I knew I could do, was excited about, was hopeful for. Despite my skills, background, and stellar references, they didn't even interview me.

Talk about bruised pride.

It was a sad end to a difficult day.

I fumbled my way through supper and put the children to bed. My husband, seeing my disappointment, was quiet. He brought me tea and asked about my plans for the evening.

I was nestled in a blanket in a cozy corner of the couch, but three full baskets of clean, unfolded laundry glared at me from across the room. I gave them a nod, "tackle those, I guess."

"Nonsense. Wait here." Moments later, he left the house.

It was the nudge I needed to give myself a reprieve from the housework. I looked over the letter again and took guilty pleasure in finding a spelling mistake.

I was content with the quiet until my husband returned. "You need a distraction," he told me as he popped in a DVD.

It was Beverly Hills Cop. He knew just what would brighten my mood. Vintage Eddie Murphy.

I was so grateful for him. We talked into the night and I confessed my feelings.

The worst part of it was that I knew at least ten different ways I would have been able to help this non-profit do its work more effectively. He listened carefully and told me it was their loss that they hadn't given me a chance. The fact that theirs is a cause I care about just made the rejection harder to take.

It has forced me to face the question: How resilient am I?

My caring spouse gave me a pretty good bounce back in the attitude department. But the professional side remains unresolved.

I am a woman of action, impatient with waiting for others' approval. Maybe it's time to make my own opportunities. I may have been stretched, but I haven't shattered, right?

So I'll take some time to rethink, reset my priorities, and make a plan of action. Through the process, maybe the way forward will reveal itself.

There are times when I want to break instead of springing back.

Then I tell myself today is not the day for breaking.

It's not what Moms do.

- Midwest Mom

We Don't Grow Couch Potatoes

Time for a true confession: we are TV minimalists.

Part of our parenting is to set limits on "screen time" for both television and the computer. We don't have a Wii or other video game systems, either. We've made that as a conscious choice, not because we think those things are evil or anything... just because we recognize that electronics can sometimes be time-suckers. If you're not careful, it can be easy to lose yourself in a game for longer than you want.

(My husband, for instance, went over to his brother's house last night to pick something up "real quick" and came back 45 minutes later. "Sorry," he admitted, "I got drawn into a game of Lego StarWars." I laughed.)

Video games have a way of bringing out the geeky teenager in a man.

But, I digress. We do set limits on television in our home, and we only let our children watch programs that we approve. There is some great, fun programming out there for kids. There is also some awful stuff masquerading as children's programming. We find it best to make our best choices and pass them along to our kids.

Some choices are no-brainers.

The Cartoon Network is out.

PBS Kids is in.
(My daughter actually will open our DVD cupboard and ask for a video by saying, "Can I watch some PBS kids?")

On PBS, our favorites are DragonTales, Word World, Arthur, CyberChase, and Design Squad. On the weekends, the kids might choose Thomas & Friends (an old favorite) or Anamalia (a new favorite.) It makes me chuckle to think that my boys also like Wishbone, a program that was on when I was growing up. (No, I would never share that... it would be instant poison for poor Wishbone.)

I love programs that have a language-component. So, I will let the kids watch Dora the Explorer and Go! Diego, Go! or Kai-Lin on Nickelodeon. We also love the music and imagination of The Backyardigans and WonderPets. They are fun programs that allow my children to stay in tough with their silly streak (without constantly relying on potty humor for a laugh a la CN.)

What I find as I parent is that my husband and I have different standards about television programs. I like more 'gentle' programs that teach a lesson. He's more, well, edgy -- especially with what he will let the boys watch. I remember him excitedly saying one rainy Saturday that there was a Loony Tunes marathon on. Thus, my children were introduced to cartoon characters with dynamite and animals hitting each other with 2x4s.

"Dad sure likes fun stuff!" my son observed, approvingly. Yep, he sure does. Thank goodness for Daddy, I thought. I mean, a childhood without Loony Tunes, is hardly American, right?

Because we aren't crazy about advertisements, we rely a lot on DVDs. (My daughter frequently gets angry about ads, because she wants her program back. I feel her pain.) Our video collection includes Franklin videos, Blues Clues, Dora, Winnie the Pooh, Bambi, and the Nick Jr. Favorites videos with one episode each of 4 or 5 different series. We also have Disney movies galore -- great for rainy afternoons!

Our collection is decidedly on the preschooler side of the age spectrum. I don't mind, because as my guys have gotten older, they have been less interested in watching a 30 minute video and more excited about having a Friday night Movie Night.

Ours usually look like this.

We do have a ball, I must admit.


But, I like to avoid this as much as possible.

(She's zoned out in front of Backyardigans.)

I take the fetal position as a sign that TV time needs to come to an end. Life is too precious to let it slip by while you're inside watching television. Today, the weather will get up to 70 degrees where we live, so we've got some serious outside playtime ahead!

Our TV-watching principles can be summed up like this:

~ Set Time Limits for Viewing

~ Make Choices that Reflect Your Parenting

~ Offer a Variety of Programs

~ Avoid Advertising when Possible, and

~ Don't let TV get in the way of Living LIFE!


Good luck making your own choices. The role television plays in your family life is up to you.


- Midwest Mom