Resilience

resilient: adj. capable of resuming its shape, position, etc. after being subjected to stress, elastic. [from the Latin, resiliens, resilire, to spring back]

I often say it is my goal to raise independent, resilient children. As a Mom, though, it's hard to gauge how resilient I actually am.

At first, the relentless physical and emotional demands of caring for a tiny baby, of being responsible for his well-being, even feeding him from my very self, was a shock. It took a good six weeks for me to come to terms with the fact that motherhood was a 24 hour per day job. Until I did, resilience eluded me.

But with time and help, I adjusted. That first stretching into the new shape of motherhood almost broke me, but didn't. To my surprise I found I had a stronger, more flexible core than I imagined.

I have come to love being a Mom. And I have learned that this process of stretching, reaching, snapping back occurs on multiple levels over days, weeks, even years. Every childhood phase, medical scare or job worry pulls at me. In time each stress passes. I adjust and make my way again.

My life as a Mom has its undisputed high points. I had a few moments on Easter day when I stood fully in the warm sunbeam of familial love. When I felt the perfection of the day and of our life. It couldn't have felt better. What a contrast from those first difficult days.

There are lows as well, sometimes right on the heels of the highs.

On Monday, I was pounded by relentless waves of bickering. The children clawed through their last day of vacation by finding innovative ways to annoy and betray one another. I grew tired of the rancor. It was an assault to my spirit and my senses.

The sole piece of mail I received that day was a one-line rejection of a resume I had submitted to a local non-profit. It was for a job I knew I could do, was excited about, was hopeful for. Despite my skills, background, and stellar references, they didn't even interview me.

Talk about bruised pride.

It was a sad end to a difficult day.

I fumbled my way through supper and put the children to bed. My husband, seeing my disappointment, was quiet. He brought me tea and asked about my plans for the evening.

I was nestled in a blanket in a cozy corner of the couch, but three full baskets of clean, unfolded laundry glared at me from across the room. I gave them a nod, "tackle those, I guess."

"Nonsense. Wait here." Moments later, he left the house.

It was the nudge I needed to give myself a reprieve from the housework. I looked over the letter again and took guilty pleasure in finding a spelling mistake.

I was content with the quiet until my husband returned. "You need a distraction," he told me as he popped in a DVD.

It was Beverly Hills Cop. He knew just what would brighten my mood. Vintage Eddie Murphy.

I was so grateful for him. We talked into the night and I confessed my feelings.

The worst part of it was that I knew at least ten different ways I would have been able to help this non-profit do its work more effectively. He listened carefully and told me it was their loss that they hadn't given me a chance. The fact that theirs is a cause I care about just made the rejection harder to take.

It has forced me to face the question: How resilient am I?

My caring spouse gave me a pretty good bounce back in the attitude department. But the professional side remains unresolved.

I am a woman of action, impatient with waiting for others' approval. Maybe it's time to make my own opportunities. I may have been stretched, but I haven't shattered, right?

So I'll take some time to rethink, reset my priorities, and make a plan of action. Through the process, maybe the way forward will reveal itself.

There are times when I want to break instead of springing back.

Then I tell myself today is not the day for breaking.

It's not what Moms do.

- Midwest Mom

Risk vs. Reward in Danville Politics

Recently, in the Danville Commercial-News letters to the editor there was an exchange between a supporter of Lori DeYoung for State Representative and our current State Representative, Bill Black. At issue was speculation over why Black had decided to campaign for re-election to his seat and whether he would remain in office long enough to complete his term.

The back-story to this exchange [view it at the Commercial-News link at right] is the departure from the race of Danville Mayor Scott Eisenhower. Eisenhower's aborted bid for statewide office came after he suggested the closure of one of the city's fire stations as a way to close the city budget gap. A major downtown fire in the midst of already contentious budget hearings proved to be the spark that brought smoldering opposition to the closure to the level of a conflagration. However reasonable his suggestion may have seemed to him at the time, and however many people were involved in finding solutions to the budget crisis, in the eyes of the public, the blame rested with Eisenhower. This time, his understanding of the political climate was more accurate, and he pulled out of the State Representative race.

For a Mayor who has brought so much to the Danville Area in recent years, this was truly a stroke of bad political luck. One wonders what sort of lesson has been learned.

Urban renewal is not an easy path to pursue. In recent years, the City of Danville has stepped up code enforcement and begun a program to raze delapidated structures in the city. Tax Increment Financing zones have been established to give business owners financial incentives to invest in their property. Eisenhower and city officials deserve credit for showing initiative and finding creative ways to keep Danville moving forward.

Finding creative ways to promote growth in tough economic times is not easy. It is not without risk. But there are families throughout the area who are dedicated to remaining here. We like living in a town with teachers who care about our kids, with ample youth sports, DACC college for kids, vibrant churches, beautiful parks, youth theater, a city orchestra, and neighborhoods where people help each other and know each other. You might think that these things have nothing to do with city government. They do.

City leaders have the task of creating a safe place for my family to live and thrive. The policies the Mayor and City Council pursue have a direct effect on my husband's work, my children's school, and the safety of our home. Families depend on the Police and Fire Fighters for our safety, but also those maintaining our roads, bridges, and parks. There is a lot to do to serve this population -- not at the state level, but at the local level. It is just as important, if not more so. And all Danville residents know, there is much more work to be done.

I would hope that Mayor Eisenhower has not been turned off of creative problem solving for our city. Courage is what we need from our public servants. And, perhaps a lack of perspective during a tough budget battle can be forgiven, if the Mayor can remain creative, energetic, and enthusiastic about serving this local community.

As for Representative Black and Ms. DeYoung... let's hope their debate will be more about issues and less about speculation. An honest issues-focused debate will best serve the voters as they make decisions about who to support in the fall.

*Note: This and future politics articles will be available at Illini Family Politics
http://ilfamilypolitics.blogspot.com/

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