Reshaping Negativity: Teaching Kids to Think Positive

"Today was awful."  "I got teased on the bus."  "That teacher hates me." "Those girls are mean."

Every mom hears this litany from time to time.  For me, it happens when the kids walk in the door from school or during my first few minutes in the door.  I have three of them (amazing, hilarious, talented... and talkative!), and my husband and I work hard to make our home a place where they can feel safe and listened to -- especially when the world outside feels unfriendly. 

 

But hearing everything bad that happened in a day, from a broken shoelace to a broken friendship, all at once, right as you walk in the door can feel overwhelming... leading AnyMom or AnyDad to ask themselves silently, "They were so cute as babies... So quiet.  Why, exactly, did we teach them to speak?"  (Oh, stop your judging... you don't say it out loud, but you know it's true.)

Seriously, though, the question then becomes: how to turn the barrage of negative talk in a positive direction? Do I have to be the kung fu master of child development?  Do I arm myself with a teflon super shield that sheds negative energy? Do I take it all in?  Do I ignore?  (Do I lock myself in the bathroom for ten minutes of peace?)

The answer -- for me, at least -- is... a little bit of each.  Yes.  Including the bathroom.  (I call it my 'home office', as in "I have an important meeting.  If you need me, I'll be at my home office.") 

Here are a few strategies that may work: (Throw them at the wall and see what sticks.)

Divide and Conquer: Learn a lesson from the old West: one animal is easier to handle than an entire herd.  Give each child a little one-on-one time that they can count on, maybe associated with a ritual activity like doing homework, driving to an activity, setting the table or getting ready for bed.  Use that as the time to share the day's stresses.  Instead of feeling overwhelmed, each parent can really listen.  Reliable alone time can help your child feel valued and give you both the space you need to talk about issues that matter.

Start Happy: Set a family goal to start with something new or amazing or cool when we talk about what our day was like.  I redirect the wave of troubled talk often with these phrases, "Tell me something happy from your day." and "What did you learn today?"  Do it often enough, and the kids know that they'll get as much (or more) attention by sharing something positive.  (The habit of thinking positive first is a great one for moms and dads, too.)

Step Back, Be Brave: Sometimes, the result of having an open, listening household is that there can be challenges to our own way of doing things. (The complaint isn't always about the kids on the bus.)  Being open enough to hear without dismissing, deflecting or defending takes parental bravery.  (I'll admit, this is something I have to work on.  It's tough, especially now that my oldest is a 'tween'.)  And one way to handle difficult conversations or feedback constructively can be to reframe a contentious issue in general enough terms to make it less personal.  Asking open ended questions is a great means to do that. A useful book that teaches this skill (the hubs and I read it often) is Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting by John Gottman.  I'd highly recommend it to any mom or dad.

Be Thankful: Every so often, we take time at a shared meal or in the car or at prayer time to say something we're thankful for.  Often, it can be an affirming time in our family. I hear my kids say how thankful they are for a small kindness one did for another, and we can openly express how glad we are for our time together.  Every time we talk about being grateful, we are focusing on a small happiness in our life.  And that focus helps us weather the not-so-good moments a little more resiliently.

 

In the end, a little positivity helps our whole family -- especially when life happens, unexpectedly. 

What works for yours?

- Midwest Mom

Tips for Easier Weeding

A friend of mine pointed out yesterday that the downside of living in a place that anything can grow is that anything and everything does grow.

Even (and especially) weeds.

I weed my gardens by hand, without the use of chemicals. It's not as difficult as it may sound. I follow a few basic guidelines to make the job run smoothly. And somehow, I manage to have my flowers and vegetables remain the centerpieces of my garden -- not the weeds.

I have family members and neighbors who have questioned why I bother. I have two main reasons. First, weeds are resource thieves. They eat up the moisture and nutrients in the garden that other plants will absolutely need to grow their best. If allowed to grow, their root systems will entangle other plants' roots. Their leaves can eat up the sunlight and shadow other plants.

My second reason for weeding is aesthetic. I want my gardens to look tidy. For that reason, I will even keep sprawling perennials in check by treating them as weeds when they spread. My mother and mother in law are always aghast when they see me with a handful of rudbeckia or moneywort that I've pulled out of the garden. When I can, I make room for useful plants in another area of the yard. But when it comes to keeping order, I confess to being a bit ruthless.

Experience has taught me (as have plentiful garden mistakes) what makes for effective weeding. Here are some tips to keep in mind as you put order to your plot.

Educate yourself. - Know what kinds of plants you are dealing with before you start pulling willy-nilly. A great resource is Newcomb's Wildflower Guide. I also use the online weed index from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. Check with your own state university or university extension to see what resources exist for your own area. If you know what you're dealing with, it can be easier to avoid potential mistakes.

Be selective. - Spend time evaluating whether or not a weed will do damage. Sometimes, native plants can be attractive additions to your garden. In our first home, my husband and I spent hours digging sweet violets out of the yard. We wanted them to have their own area and for the lawn to be just grass. My first garden sage, a neighbor named Janet, asked us what on earth we were doing. "I love having the violets in the grass. They're green, too -- what does it matter if they're not grass? Besides, if you wait until Spring, they'll turn the whole yard lavender. It's beautiful." We listened to her wise advice and have never looked back. Now, our springtime "lawn" is a carpet of purple. We love it.

When in doubt, wait. - If you're not sure what something is, just let it grow a bit. You have until the plant sets seed to pull it. Sometimes, you can discover some real beauties by just letting an interesting-looking plant grow.

Wear gloves. - I am usually an ungloved gardener. I like the feel of soil in my hands. But when I am weeding, particularly if there might be weeds I don't recognize at first, I do wear gloves. All it takes is your first case of poison ivy or your first spider bite to teach that lesson.

Wet the ground. - I spend time weeding immediately after it rains. The moisture softens up the ground and makes many weeds easier to pull, roots and all. If it hasn't rained in a while, I will choose an area to weed and shower it with the hose for a few minutes -- not enough to make mud pies, but just enough to loosen the soil.

Use tools. - My mother used to pull dandelions with a long tool that looked like a giant screwdriver. I opt for a narrow hand trowel. I carry it with me, plunge it into the dirt next to a stubborn weed and pry upward slightly. With the soil loosened, taproots are easy to pull. Once the weed is out, I heel the soil back down smooth. For soil that is already light and loose, try using a hoe. Turn the corner down and scrape, digging the earth a you go. Pick weeds from the surface of the area you've worked, and use the hoe again to level and smooth the soil.

Be persistent. -- The more consistently you weed, the more you will stay ahead of what your garden needs. I take about 10 minutes each day, usually while the children are playing outside, to attack a section of the garden. By the end of the week, I've cleared quite a bit. And by the time I get the last bed weeded, I can start back at the first again.

Honestly, weeding no gardener's favorite chore. But, hopefully, if you keep ahead of things, your work will yield good results.

- Midwest Mom

Itchy and Scratchy? Solutions for Winter Dry Skin

My family battles dry skin all winter long. So, I thought I'd share some of the ways we keep away the itchies and scratchies.

Cooler, Shorter Baths: When my little ones were infants and toddlers, I loved to give them baths. But all three of them had patches of dry skin and varying degrees of eczema. What worked for us was to bathe them less frequently so that we weren't always washing off their skin's natural oils. We didn't let them turn into Pig Pen baby or anything, but we set a bath schedule of Monday, Wednesday, Saturday. We let them play in the bath once a week instead of every time and kept the water mildly warm -- not hot. Believe it or not, it has helped our children's skin tremendously.

Easy on the Soap: I have come to love lotion-based soaps. Yes, they don't lather the same way, but they do the job just as well. When the kids were babies, we used Aveeno Creamy Baby Wash. It works so well that I give it to my friends who are brand new moms. Another tactic to try is to add a capful of no-tears bath soap to the water as it runs into the tub. If there is a little soap in the water, you won't need to place it directly on your child's skin.

Build good Habits: Now that my boys are in elementary school, they are in charge of their own hand-washing. Their hands can get really dry if they aren't rinsing all the soap off. We've also noticed that they have to dry their hands thoroughly or the crevices between their fingers will get raw and red. So, we reinforce good rinsing and drying habits. We also keep a bottle of lotion at each of our bathroom sinks. (Perhaps you remember that my youngest is a lotion fanatic? Now you know why.) Encouraging your child to get a little lotion every so often -- especially after washing -- can build good self-care habits and help heal their hands.

Don't be Flaky: When dry skin gets itchy and flaky (my daughter's legs get this way from time to time) I leave the soft washcloth out of the bath and use a mesh puff. It's a little scratchy, but it gets the job done (plus, it's girly and purple, so she loves it). I figure, if it's good enough for my knees and elbows, why wouldn't it work for her?

Lovely Lips: When the kids' lips get dry and cracked, we gently brush them with the toothbrush while they're brushing their teeth. It takes the dry part off when their lips are already nice and wet, so there's no cracking. We follow up with lip balm after brushing, and they're good to go.

Put on Moisture that Stays: So many first-time Moms learn about the benefits of Baby Massage after a bath. Not only does it relax your child, it helps keep their skin healthy. Once your children are older, they can learn to put lotion on after their bath all by themselves. We have had great luck with a few products that are gentle enough to soothe and heal their skin.

• Baby Bee Apricot Baby Oil: I used this gently scented oil on all my babies and love it. It is produced by the Burt's Bees company, and although many of their products are so harsh they would dry out a rhino in a rainstorm, their Baby Bee products are quite good.
• Aveeno Calming Comfort Baby Lotion: We use this lavender-scented lotion before bedtime. It is my children's favorite scent -- very light. Aveeno products contain colloidal oatmeal, which helps skin to hold moisture.
• Nivea Extra Enriched Lotion: The big blue bottle of Nivea graces our home in more than one place. We use the formula for Very Rough, Dry Skin because it has small beads that smooth your skin as you rub it in.
• Norwegian Formula Hand Cream: We put a tiny dab of this on dry patches -- especially eczema -- anytime skin gets red. It does the trick, practically overnight.

Use a Humidifier: We use a humidifier in our bedrooms at night to help ease Wintertime dryness. Keeping houseplants throughout the house (and keeping them watered) also helps balance out the moisture level.

Get Moisture Inside-Out: Getting your children to drink enough water -- without anything mixed in -- can sometimes be a challenge. We work little drinks into our daily routine by drinking water at tooth-brushing time (morning and night) and with afternoon snack. If your child is taking in enough water, it can be easier for his or her own body to keep from drying out.

Free your Laundry: Finally, one of the things my pediatrician had me pay attention to early on was the type of laundry soap and fabric softener I used on my family's clothes. I tried several types and paid attention to their effect on my children's itchy skin. Right now, we use a fragrance-free soap (All Free & Clear) and very little softener (1/3 of a dryer sheet for a whole load). It seems to get out the stains (um... I have 2 boys, remember?) without making the rest of us itchy.

Well, that's what works for us. (I know it's not the most exciting post, but sometimes Moms have to be practical... Am I right?)

Hope these tips work for you and your itchy scratchy family.

- Midwest Mom

Great Toy #2: Christmas Shopping Guide

The second toy idea that we just love is games. By that I do not mean video games. I mean good old-fashioned no batteries required (okay, maybe one) turn off the television and spend time together games.

We have all the classics -- Candyland, Chutes & Ladders, Sorry, Connect Four. We have raucous games like Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots and Whack-A-Mole, too. We play card games like old maid and go fish and king's corner. And we play strategy games like Mastermind, Mancala, and Stratego. Our kids are still young, so Monopoly, Careers, and Life are still up on the shelf.

Two old favorites that we *hope* Santa will be bringing in his sleigh are Perfection and MouseTrap. (Santa's Illinois elf just has to find them at the store. Keep your fingers crossed.)

It is always a challenge, though, to find games that all three of my children can play together, especially because they are aged 3, 5, and 7. Last year, we were given a game gift that did the trick. Our whole family can play it and have fun in the process. It is Cranium Hullabaloo.

Hullabaloo is a direction-following game with fun music and a healthy dose of silliness. To me, it's a little like Simon Says meets Twister. We have a great time with it, whether just two of us are playing or all five.

In January of this year, Cranium, a Seattle-based company, was purchased by Hasbro, Inc. By March, Hasbro moved finance and logistics jobs to it's Rhode Island corporate headquarters. But Hasbro makes a point of emphasizing it's corporate citizenship efforts. I usually only recommend products from corporations I can really back. For me, the jury is still out on Hasbro's purchase of Cranium.

I will say, though, that the Hullabaloo product is exceptional. It encourages movement and teaches listening and following directions. Moreover, it is fun. Sometimes gut-busting fun -- especially when you see your kids "do a funky dance" at the end of the game.

Hullabaloo has received several awards, from Parenting Magazine Toy of the Year to the 2002 National Parenting Center Seal of Approval. For more information, be sure to visit the Cranium website.

Talent Search: Developing your Child's Gifts

My five-year-old son is an artist -- an avid artist. He spends part of each day transferring the pictures in his mind onto paper. When I talk to him about his work, he is clear about what he wants to create and how; he has a remarkable ability to know exactly how to create the finished product he wants.

My seven-year-old is a writer. His stories have remarkable action and a clear voice. He often complains when writing for school that he can't possibly just fill one sheet of paper. Couldn't he write chapters instead of just a paragraph?

I do my best to encourage them both, even if they don't do the best job at encouraging each other. Earlier this week, my oldest forbade his brother from drawing because he wanted to play outside with him instead. "Can he do that?" my younger son protested. I assured him that his brother was not in charge. He relaxed, "Good, because I really love art. I am thinking that it is my special talent."

Brotherly conflict aside, I think it is important to help children develop their interests. It can be a great way to develop the bond of parent-friendship with your child. Here are a few ways to go about it:

1. Keep it Fun - Often, young children learn best when they are in charge. Don't be in a rush to bill your child as the next Mozart or Monet. Enjoy the fact that they are enjoying what they do. That enthusiasm is its own reward.
2. Make Space - If you can, devote some space in your home to your child's passion. An art table stocked with supplies, a music corner or reading chair can be comfortable places for your child to pursue what they like when they choose. Outdoors a soccer goal or basketball hoop invites your child to develop his or her skills on his own. I have seen my sons outdoors inventing their own football plays or winning the imaginary World Series. All they require is a little equipment and the space to pursue what they love.
3. Learn Together - As my children have developed independent interests, it has been so fun to learn together with them. We visit the library for books on art technique or to search for exciting, inspiring writing. We attend sports practices and games as a family, learning along the way. My husband, especially, makes the effort to learn enough about our children's' interests to teach them, but he also listens as they explain new things they've learned. The exchange is exciting to watch, and it helps us build our family friendship on shared experiences.
4. Give Appropriate Praise - Without going overboard (no sky-writing, please), praise can be an excellent motivator. When my children are frustrated with a new skill, a little praise can go a long way. I never push them, and I try not to turn their successes into my own. But I do give them a quiet look of encouragement, a hand on the shoulder, a word when they need it. At home, we have a kitchen art gallery filled with drawings from all the children. We have video of them and photo collages from their sports teams. These small things say, "I am proud of you."
5. Find Opportunities for Growth - When a child has an inner drive to pursue a gift, parents should find ways to help them develop. My artist loves trips to the museum. My soccer player loves going to college soccer games. My ballerina loves seeing a real performance with grown-up dancers. Camps, magazine subscriptions, clubs, and school organizations can help your talented kids grow. Exposing your children to new and varied experiences can also be a great way to help them develop new interests.

As always, parents should try to be tuned-in and show good judgment when thinking about their children's' gifts. Not every youth basketball player is going to make it to the NBA. Not every young ballet student will dance professionally. But each experience we give our kids, every opportunity we give them to pursue what they love, will help them grow as strong, gifted individuals.

Besides, I am still waiting to find out my 'special talent'. Maybe one of these days, one of my children will help me to discover it.

- Midwest Mom

Avoiding The Blame Game

My name is Mom, and I'm a blamer.

Human Beings are known for several strong instincts. The Survival instinct is one we've all heard about. What about the instinct of a mother to protect her child? Who among us hasn't experienced that one?

There is an instinct, however, that is less well known. It has been passed from parent to child for generations. It is the Blame Instinct.

The Blame instinct is the tendency human beings have to seek out and identify, sometimes quite loudly and passionately, the person or thing directly responsible when things don't go our way.

As a parent, I find that I am constantly battling the blame instinct. I come by it honestly. My parents were great blamers. With six children, Mom and Dad had to sort out some pretty difficult lines of culpability. Often, the responsibility for bad behavior fell upon the oldest child involved in whatever shenanigans we got caught up in. Other times, particularly when something potentially fatal was narrowly avoided, Dad or Mom would assign blame to whomever was closest at hand.

"Dad, there was a fire at school today."

"What?!??"

"Yeah, it was right outside our classroom. We had to escape out the window."

"Oh my God!" Dad would hold me tight, "Why didn't someone call me?!? And what were you doing in that classroom in the first place, young lady?!?!!"

I laugh at myself when, as a parent, I do the same exact thing. Mostly it is a sign of just how frightened I actually am. And if a person is not available, I will even blame an inanimate object.

Last weekend, my daughter fell right next to an upturned rake. Scooping her up, I said loudly "What idiot left the rake on the ground with the tines up?!? She could have put out her eye!"

My husband speaks up. "Honey, weren't you using the rake?"

"Stupid rake." I muttered, bringing my daughter inside. "Rakes should be illegal."

It wouldn't be so funny if it weren't so true. What disturbs me is that I see the same blame tendency coming out in my children. The couch is responsible for a stubbed toe. A broken toy is the fault of the toy itself. It goes on and on.

I must say, that as a thoughtful parent, an educated, mature adult (neither of which I seem to be when danger is present), I don't think blaming serves much purpose. It just makes the blamer feel better or justified. It is rarely an honest search for the origins of the problem and more a case of scapegoating (even if the scapegoat happens to be a rake.) So, I'm trying to be more conscious of it in myself in the hopes that I can teach my children to avoid such an unproductive (and potentially embarrassing) trait.

I am trying to teach my children to take responsibility for what they do. By teaching my children to own up to their actions, I am hoping they will become more aware of the consequences of their behavior.

But I also teach them that sometimes accidents do happen.

I want my children to grow into careful, thoughtful adults, so I am teaching them that the absence of malice does not prevent a person from being hurt. Their first response to any accidental hurt should be to care for the person being hurt. Blame can wait.

It has been interesting to see them minister to each other to heal hurts first, without accidents being turned into a shouting match of, "Watch where you're going!" "It's his fault!" "I didn't mean to!" Just postponing the issue of blame and encouraging my children, regardless of circumstance, to care for one another has been an amazing step for our family.

I have also started to teach my kids that blaming inanimate objects is not productive.

It may feel satisfying sometimes to blame the bike when you fall off, but ultimately lying to yourself by blaming an object isn't helpful. (I've made a concerted effort to remember this one myself.) My children are often seething and angry. I help them to talk about the anger they feel and together we solve the issue of whether or not we can avoid a future hurt.

We are a team, a problem-solving team.

When I put it to them that way, their need to blame often fades to the background. I try to help them feel really listened to in the process of solving problems. I hope that will lay the groundwork for future situations with the potential to be much more serious than a skinned knee or a stubbed toe.

Time will tell where our family goes with the blame instinct. They say admitting the problem is the first step to getting help. It may be, as long as I can teach myself with as much clarity as I seem to be able to teach them.

Wish me luck.


-Midwest Mom

Kids Sports: Stop the Insanity!

Let's face it, any parent who has an athletic child has been witness to some of the most lunatic parenting on the face of the planet. We've all seen it . Sometimes it's the librarian who becomes more argumentative than a crack addict on steroids. It could be the lawyer who paces the sidelines barking orders at their child (or, God forbid, other children). Or, yes, even a full-time mom can find herself suddenly incapable of recognizing her child's strengths or accepting a compliment on their child's behalf, answering with a list of shortcomings instead of a smile and a thank-you. Sports can make grown-ups into crazy people.

I have to admit, I teeter on the edge of lunacy myself. One thing is for sure, I am one of the loudest parents on the sideline. I just can't help myself -- I love watching my kids play. But I sometimes wonder whether other parents are looking at me sideways, wondering, "Who is that lady?!?" I convince myself that volume alone doesn't make me an obnoxious sports parent (does it?)

Just to be sure, I try to follow a few guidelines to stave off a case of the crazies:

Keep It Positive -- If you are an involuntary yeller (like I am), make sure you're yelling out something you can be proud of later. Saying "good job" or "nice try" or "you can do it" is always better than saying something insulting or letting out a groan if things don't go your way. You are your children's best source of encouragement. You are also their best example of good sportsmanship.

Practices are for Coaching and Games are for Fans -- Your first job on the sideline of your child's game is to be their fan. I always send my sons onto the field with a smile and a twinkling eye. "Have fun! I can't wait to watch you play!" I say as they run to meet their team. Giving your child the gift of unqualified support can make a tremendous difference for them. (I'll admit there was a learning curve for me on this one. I used to use the last 5 minutes before a game to review "teaching points" from practice, but I have truly found that only made my child more self-conscious about his play. But when I assure him that he's my favorite player on the team, he glows. As a result, his head and heart are in the game, from start to finish.)

Keep your Expectations in Line -- I remember when my son started soccer at age 4. It was all we could do to get the team kicking the ball in the right direction. Still, there were parents who questioned the coach or worried excessively about whether the team was winning enough. I felt like explaining that this wasn't the World Cup, it was pee-wee soccer! In retrospect, I doubt that would have made much difference. Still, a dose of perspective is never unwarranted. Focus on your child's own skills. They don't have to be Ronaldhino or A-Rod or Kevin Garnett to be your favorite player. Let them be who they are and love them for that.

Be Even-handed with Praise -- We all know that as a parent, our first concern is our own child. But getting to know your child's team-mates and giving them a cheer when they make a great play reinforces to your child what it means to be a team. Athletics is about making friends as much as it is about individual accomplishment. So, get to know the other parents on the sidelines and spread your positive comments around.

Because I am such a loud fan, I usually try to look over my shoulder and make sure I'm not bothering anyone. I also cheer when the opposing team makes a great play. There is nothing wrong with recognizing excellence, regardless of which team shows it. And I find that positivity can be contagious... even among die-hard athletic parents.

So, remember, sports are meant to be an opportunity to learn and have fun! If you focus on the really enjoying the game, your child will too.

That's always a good thing.

- Midwest Mom

We all have Clingons from Time to Time

Recently, a friend of mine asked a question about her 18 month-old and the issue of "clinging". You know what I mean -- when you bring your brood to that family gathering and there is one child who must be surgically detached from your leg. Or when your name is called desperately throughout the house because you dared to go down to the laundry room and switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer.

"Whew! Mom! I didn't know where you WERE!"

Yes. It happens to all of us.

While I can't claim to have an instant solution to a case of the Clingons, I can make a few suggestions:

1) Play games about absence. Believe it or not, games like Peek-a-Boo and indoor Hide-And-Seek really do teach young children to cope with being alone, even for short periods of time. The more your child can "play" with the issue of their independence, the easier it will be for them to handle your everyday need for space.

2) Start with short absences. By telling your child where you are going -- even in the house -- and when you will be back, you are teaching them to trust that you mean what you say and that you will, in fact, come back. A very young child does need to know that your disappearance into the kitchen to make dinner will not be permanent abandonment. At the same time, parents should understand that children may not like it when you are not there. (That comes much later, believe me!) If you are gentle, reassuring, and consistent in informing them about what to expect, you will help them prepare for longer absences like doctor's appointments, lunch with a friend, or (dare-I-say-it) a date with Daddy.

3) Build trust in other people. Sometimes, there can be an enormous emotional payoff in being your child's "one-and-only". Comforting a crying child by taking him or her from Daddy or Auntie or Grandma is not always the best option. This is especially true when a young child shows a preference for one parent over the other. It can be very easy for "the favorite" to play the role of comforter. But it may be better to stand aside and let your child build a stronger bond with others. Saying, "You're fine. Daddy's going to give you your bath today." or "I'm right here, but Grandma's going to read a story. Let's listen together," is a great way to reassure your child.

When you show your trust in others' ability to care for your child, you set a powerful example for your baby about trust itself. When you practice "sharing" your child with other caring adults, you give him or her a zone of comfort and let them know they have more than one person to rely on. That lesson will stay with them as they grow older and enter a day care or school situation.

4.) Approach big occasions with sensitivity. Of course, meeting 50 people at a family reunion is intimidating. That's why even some adults shy away from those gatherings! We have made a practice of going to big events with friends or cousins that our children really know. Approaching a crowd with friends alongside helps to make meetings easier. We also plan to arrive early, so that new people are introduced one at a time. And we stay only as long as our schedule allows -- not until our children are out of their minds with tiredness.

The more practice your child gets at handling your absence or meeting new people, the more confident he or she can become at her own independence. I have one child, in particular, who went through a prolonged shy phase, right when entering preschool. It helped to introduce one friend at a time each day we were at school. When my child focused on only one new friend every day or two, we soon found that there was a whole class full of friends to enjoy.

- Midwest Mom

Laundry Tip: Keeping White Clothes White

My mother taught me this trick when I was getting ready to have my first child. She used it for the infamous "diaper load". I was under the delusion that I was going to put my newborn in cloth diapers. (ha!)

After changing four outfits a day for the first week, I was blessed with a friend who told me that using cloth was environmentally equivalent to using disposable. (Thank you,
Arun D'Souza!) Did I check the science on that one? No! I just gratefully gave myself permission to switch.

In certain cases, my environmentalism is trumped by practicality.

So, if you are a mom who is using cloth diapers, my hat is off to you. If on the other hand, you have boys to keep track of (I have two) and those boys happen to go to a school that requires uniforms (particularly, white shirts), I have news. The same trick that works for diapers will keep those shirts looking like the day you bought them.

The trick is to use the temperature settings on your washer.
I'll explain.

My boys have found new and exciting ways to stain their clothing. During the first week of school, I have washed out grass stains, blood, mud, chocolate milk, pizza splat, cherry juice, Popsicle drippings, greasy hand-prints and ice cream.

You may wonder how this is possible.
They are boys. Anything is possible.

So, to do battle with their mess (at least the laundry mess) I start by treating their shirts as I sort the laundry. I use Shout Gel. It has a little brush on top to work the stain remover into the stains and it is thick enough to stay on the stain as the clothes get washed. I've tried other brands and even thinner versions of Shout. Trust me, get the gel.

I then put all the whites in the washer and wash them with just detergent (no bleach) in COLD water. Why start with cold? Protein stains, like blood, milk, or grass need cold water to work loose from the fibers of your clothes. If you wash in hot water before these stains are out, the heat will set the stain and make a permanent mark on the shirt.

When you hear your washer spinning out the cold water to start the rinse cycle, switch the heat setting to HOT and reset your washer back to the beginning of the wash cycle. Then pour your bleach into your washer's bleach cup, but use no more detergent. The hot water will get out any grease-based stains (i.e. pizza splat!) and the bleach will whiten the whole load.

I know this method uses an extra tub of water. But, if you're a parent washing school uniforms, it really is the way to go. And, according to my own mom, there's no better way to take care of those nasty cloth diapers, either.

Good luck with it!
Remember, we're in this together!

Midwest Mom

More Ways to Save Gas and Money

Earlier this summer, our family began a concerted effort to save money on gasoline. We didn't take a vacation this year and even tried to grocery shop by bicycle whenever possible. To be honest, the bicycle grocery trips were few -- they were more of an adventure than a practical way to do my shopping. But it was nice to have the option to pick up a few things while we were out instead of driving the car.

The result of our summer conservation push was that I was able to fill up once or twice a month, putting my gasoline budget at around $100/month. Considering that it had been about three times that before prices shot through the roof, I consider the summer effort a success.

But now, we're getting into the school year. There will be different demands on our schedule and the weather has the potential to ruin the bike plan. Like today. It's pouring.

The busy first week of school proved to me that I needed an action plan -- one week, one tank of gas was not going to work for our wallet. Here's my solution:

1) Use the bus: All parents want to be as accessible to and supportive of their children as possible. As a result, many of us drive them to and from school. I am trying to cut down on my driving, though, so I have decided to let the kids ride home on the school bus. Yesterday was their first day to try it, and they loved it.

2) Make a plan: Because I still want to see my children off in the morning, I have planned my volunteer time at the beginning of the school day. It makes the most of my trip and helps the school at the same time. On the way home, I stop at the grocery store closest to the school. It is a discount chain (Save-A-Lot), so it saves a bit of green as well.

3) Bundle your errands: I am trying my best to shop only once a week (with a family of five, that's a stretch), so it pays to "bundle" errands. Aldi, another discount grocery chain, is a little farther out of town, so I save errands in that part of town for a day when I am on my way there. By doing those jobs all at once (I keep a running list, so I don't forget any), I can pack in several errands and use the car as little as possible. Aldi is out of town, so gas prices are a little lower in that neighborhood, too. So while I'm there, why not fill up and save a dime a gallon?

4) Carpool: I spoke with a friend of mine who lives 40 minutes away but works here in town. She will be carpooling for the first time in 15 years, even though several of her coworkers live close to her home. I have to say, it is such a smart decision. Yes, there will be times when you will miss the convenience of having your car waiting outside. But if you think about the money you will save by conserving gas, I'm betting the trade-off will be worth it.

If you have room in your car, it may even be worth it to run errands with a friend. Shopping with a girlfriend does not have to be a rare thing. Think about how much more fun it will be to go to Walmart and be able to chat or have your child visit with a friend while you shop. In the age of the minivan, it's a shame to waste all that extra space.

So, good luck winning the wallet battle. It's tough out there right now for those of us managing our family budgets. With a little planning and good choices, though, saving money may not be as tough as you think.

Midwest Mom
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On the Road to Raising Resilient Children

Isn't it funny the way toddlers sometimes insist on doing things themselves. My daughter is two now, but from the first moment she could speak, it seemed like "I do it MYSELF!" was a staple of her vocabulary.

I try to view her independence as a good thing. Since I'm parenting three children, it is wonderful that she wants to put on her own shoes, feed herself, or dress herself. I think it is an important part of raising a child to give them the room to try things themselves -- even if it seems like they've chosen a task far beyond their abilities. Quite often, like this morning when my daughter buckled her own sandals, I've been surprised at the results!

But in the process of trying a new task herself, my daughter will sometimes get really frustrated. She will drive at a solution that eludes her. Finally, she will let out a gutteral scream I know comes from the pit of her soul.

When she's at the end of her rope, though, I give her time to feel her own frustration. I like to watch what comes after that point, because it is almost always a leap in development for her. Either she will regroup and try a new method or she will power through her frustration and get the thing right -- like when she finally learned how to ride her tricycle and hollered until she got the rhythm of one pedal then the other.

We have photos of my oldest son trying like crazy to crawl forward. All he could manage was to scoot himself backward. In the photos, his face got redder and redder until finally, he reached for the toy in front of him that was just out of reach -- and got it! What a smile of victory he had on his face! That smile would not have been possible if we had not been willing to step back and let him find his own way.

There are many times when my children are frustrated and they will stop in a quiet moment, look over and ask for help. I try to be present and accessible when they are trying to figure out something new. Sometimes, I will get them started or give them a hint or remind them of the steps they will need to take to accomplish their goal. My middle son needs encouragement if he can't get his seatbelt on right away. "I can't do it!" he will cry in despair. "You can do it. And we will wait as long as it takes for you to do it," I reply. Removing the time pressure usually does the trick for him. He gets it buckled. At the point that my children reach out for help, I think it is important to be there -- not to swoop in and do it for them, but to teach them to solve the problem themselves.

I know many parents never think NOT to help their child. Moms are compulsive, professional helpers, aren't we? But I have made the decision to start early, encouraging my children to make their own choices and to feel the consequences of those choices. I have started with the little tasks my children ask to do on their own.

Why?

When mothers do everything for their children, they are silently saying "I think you are helpless. You cannot do this for yourself." Even if they never say the words, parents who do every little thing for their child are creating a child who will be dependent on them. It can be terribly comforting for a parent to be needed so much. But, isn't the goal of parenting to lovingly raise children who can think and do and decide what is best for themselves?

If a parent never gives their child the chance to be frustrated and possibly fail, they are depriving that child of valuable experience in problem-solving and decision-making. I remember having to make the first hard decisions of my adulthood and feeling paralyzed. I talked to my father about it. "Well, princess," he said supportively, "you need to sit down and figure things out for yourself. I will help you if you need me, but these are your decisions to make."

I know now that those are the best words he could have said to me. Did I have to flounder? Yes. Did I have to wonder if I was making the right choices? Yes. Was there a chance I could fail at what I tried? Absolutely. But when I reached out for help, my Dad treated me like an adult. I was 16 years old at the time. His confidence in me helped me to have confidence in myself.

When it comes time for my own children to be making their way in the world, I want them to have confidence in their own choices. I want for them to have the courage to try new things, even if they might fail. And if and when they do fail or make the wrong choice, I want them to be able to regroup, learn, and change direction.

Does that start with shoe-tying or the tricycle? Maybe it does. Only time will tell.


Midwest Mom

Getting Ready for Kindergarten

My 5-year old son starts kindergarten next Monday. So, this week, I have been busy getting him ready. We've gotten all the school supplies, gotten uniforms all squared away (yes, his public school has uniforms -- I love it, by the way), purchased and 'broken-in' new school shoes... But kindergarten success doesn't come in your freshly-sharpened set of No. 2 pencils. It isn't packed in your lunchbox...

So we have done a few extra things at our house to get ready:

Getting Down the Schedule:
One of the toughest things about starting school -- for my children -- has been the schedule. From early wake-up to eating by the clock, the regimentation of the school day has been a big challenge. To prepare, we spend the last two weeks of summer vacation on "school time". That means my children have been woken by their alarm clock. Our morning routine has mirrored what it will be on school days, with grooming and dressing and breakfast all completed in time to leave for school. Instead of the usual drive to school, I have rewarded the kids with a game or loaded them in the car for early morning shopping. I have worked rest into the schedule later in the day to help their bodies adjust.

Getting Ready for Lunch:
My oldest son and his kindergarten classmates had a difficult time with -- of all things -- lunch! There were packages to open, trays to balance, those crazy milk cartons. Many of them were overwhelmed. Kindergarten lunch was also the first experience many of the students had with eating on their own. There is no parent there to say, "hurry up!" or "eat your sandwich first, then your cookie!" To prepare for lunch, I have tried to give lunchtime foods all at once, so my son can choose what to eat when. I also have made him responsible for opening his own packaging -- yogurt lids, for instance -- so that he'll be able to do that without a problem later on. I also keep an eye on the clock and don't let the lunchtime meal at home last too long. If he's used to eating in a timely way at home, he'll be more likely to get the nutrition he needs to last all the way through the bus ride home.

Reading, Writing, and 'Rithmetic:
Okay, a kindergartener doesn't necessarily need to have a lot of academic skills. But whatever skills you can teach at home will help the teacher move the class forward. We have worked on reading and writing the alphabet and short words, writing my son's first and last name, and numbers 1-20. Every afternoon after lunch, we sit down and "play school". Spending this time together helps us work on holding the pencil correctly, listening and following directions, and sets the stage for us to work together on homework later on. Besides, I love the one-on-one time I have with him, and he loves the feeling of success he gets from showing me something new he's learned.

Teaching About Safety:
Finally, I am preparing my son by going over some very basic safety items. He knows his address and phone number. We have talked about a variety of situations that may arise at school. He knows who may pick him up in an emergency. We've also talked about friends and being responsible for your own behavior and choices. He knows that he has to evaluate a situation and decide what to do about it for himself, but that he also has a group of trusted adults who are ready to listen and help him when he needs it.

In our family, we talk about feelings a lot, and I've tried to make space for my son to share his excitement and fears about this new adventure. We've checked out kindergarten stories from the library and visited his school to make things feel familiar, even as they're so new. One theme I've noticed about most of the stories we've read is the hovering parents reluctant to leave the room. I know I'll be one of them -- I'm not ready to let my little guy go so soon.

...but that's a post for another day.

Midwest Mom

Adventures in Potty Training

Potty training is one of the most frustrating tasks of raising a young child. I am currently training my youngest -- my little girl -- and am having a very frustrating time! And I know there are other parents that have the same experience. Why is it so difficult to get her to understand what she needs to do? And once she understands, when will she finally have the will to go the right way consistently? And why am I so wrapped up in this?

Maybe that's the toughest part of potty training for me. Sad to say, but I get really invested in whether they are doing everything right. I just want it to be taught, done and over with. (Maybe now that I can sense there might be a day when I actually don't have to change a diaper, I just want that day to be here NOW!)

I remember training my first son. I had infinite patience, compared to the way I feel now. I would read him a book while he was on the potty, he would sit down several times a day. Sure, he had setbacks like any child, and I distinctly remember saying to him, "Okay. You're not ready for this, so I'm going to stop pushing. You let me know when you're big enough to do this." I had the sense to lay off when he needed it. And he trained while we were taking a long vacation weekend. My husband and I looked at each other at the end of the first day and said, "Have you changed dirty pants? No? My goodness, he went on the potty every single time today!" It was a complete surprise.

My second boy was a lot more work. There was no miraculous training day for him. He had always had trouble staying dry overnight, so we knew that he just might have a smaller, well, capacity. We still wake him up during the night from time to time, just to make sure he doesn't have to go. But he had technical issues my oldest never had. He would clog the toilet from using too much paper. Or I would catch him trying to get clean with only one square. It makes me laugh now, but he truly had a process problem. We've worked through it -- he's 5 now -- but it sure took longer and we still have to be watchful.

I remember one thing that really helped both of them was for my husband to "get involved." With our first, he was completely hands off. Potty training was Mommy's work, apparently. It wasn't until my father visited and had a talk with him that he realized only someone with external plumbing can really explain how the pipes work. (My son wouldn't stand up to go. He didn't believe me when I said that's how men do it.) The power of setting a personal example was shown right there on that day. I remember chuckling to myself and thinking, "Well, it won't be the first discussion they'll have about how that thing's supposed to work."

And now I have a little girl. So, there's no husband to step in and bail me out. And, man! Am I having a frustrating time. ... It's not that she doesn't understand how to go. She's got that down pat. And she does have days when she will wear cloth underwear with no accidents. (We still have her in something absorbent at night time, just in case.) But she hasn't fully decided to be trained full-time yet. Yesterday she told me she just wanted to be a baby and wear diapers that day, and she fought me anytime I said it was time to try going to the bathroom.

I don't want to be the one pushing her; I want her to make the choice. And I'm not one to put the diapers or pull-ups away and force her to have accidents. (Because guess who has to clean that up!) But I don't have infinite patience anymore...

Yes, in my mind I'm saying, "please, oh please, let me be done changing diapers!" And why on Earth is my sense of well-being so caught up in this? It's not like she's going to be 20 and in pull-ups, right? (She's not, is she?)

I guess my point is this: If you are the mom of a girl and want to share some tips with me, I sure could use the help! Click on the "comments" link at the bottom of this post or check my profile and email me.

At least reading your hints will keep me distracted until she chooses to train.

Midwest Mom
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The Art of the Long Car Trip

My family recently took a two-week trip to Philadelphia. From Illinois, it was a long haul. And when I say long, I do mean long -- like two separate days of driving to get there long.

But, I have to say, the drive wasn't so bad. We usually take driving vacations, so I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Fortunately, they are tricks I don't mind sharing...

Trick #1: Do your homework.

When I plan one of our drives, I involve the children in the planning. We talk about which states we'll be going through and what that state will be like. Our last trip was a 5 state trip. So, we learned about Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, and Pennsylvania. But the state which captured my children's imagination, at least during the drive, was West Virginia. We were only there for about 30 minutes of the drive, but the kids knew that it was a state of mountains and coal mines. It was there that the roads first got winding and that we saw our first tunnels. Knowing the road ahead helped them to have something to look forward to and gave them a sense of place along the way.

Trick #2: Make the most of your stops.

I remember, when I was a child, we would stop and eat around roadside picnic tables, with expressway traffic shooting by. I never do that with my kids. (Sorry, Mom & Dad... I know you're reading this...)

When we are planning the trip, I use Google Earth to check out towns we will consider stopping in. So many communities across America have invested in beautiful parks (with amazing playgrounds!) If we're going to stop for lunch, we make it standard practice to get the kids out of the car and running around. It lets them be loud and run off all that extra energy and it's a nice reward for their patience in the car. If we're taking an unexpected stop, we ask locals where to find the best playground in town, or we look for a local school playground. It doesn't take a lot to satisfy the kids; if it's new to them, they will love it. And, they're more likely to nap in the car afterward if they're nice and tired when they get in the car.

Trick #3: Eat smart -- good for the waistline, good for your wallet.

When our family takes a road trip, we are more likely to get a loaf of bread, fresh fruit, and sandwich fixings at a local store than to stop for lunch at a fast food place. Providing lunch at the park is more satisfying and laid-back (you don't have to expect a 4 year old to mind his manners), not to mention more nutritious. And in this economy, the most important thing is, you save money. There is nothing worse than paying too much for bad food that your child does not eat. When we're on a trip, we set a maximum of one (yes, I said one) restaurant meal a day. That way, when they do get into the restaurant, a) they are hungry, b) they are willing to mind their manners and c) you can afford those special foods they (and you) don't get all the time -- a good steak, seafood, that beautiful chocolate cheesecake or sundae at the end of the meal.

We find that the one restaurant meal a day rule makes us more portable, too. We can be selective in what we eat by carrying fruit or carrot sticks or fresh water and eating on the go. We can take a walk in the morning, get good coffee and give our two-year-old her first raspberry croissant or take a hike and open our backpack to apples and cheese and juice boxes at the top of a mountain. There is something satisfying about food that is fresh, light, and well-earned. We find it keeps us from feeling that ugly "I've been traveling too long" feeling you can get from eating rich food at every meal.

If you're worried that you may be caught without something appropriate, you can always repeat what I tell myself when packing -- I live in the United States of America. There is nowhere you can go in this amazing country that you cannot find something to sustain your family.

And some of our neatest discoveries have come during a stopover "food search". On our trip through Pennsylvania, we stopped in a small farm town and went to the local store. My seven year old decided it was time to try sardines for the first time (that was a shocker!), but the rest of us had some fresh fruit, crackers, cheese, and large cartons of milk. And while we sat on a grassy hillside adjacent to the store, here came buggyful after buggyful of Amish men in brightly colored shirts right past us. It was a neat moment that gave us a chance to teach our children and to see something we don't get the chance to see everyday.

Trick #4: Never underestimate the power of something new.

Every mom searches her brain for which toys and books to bring on the trip. We ask ourselves how much to bring and which toys or games are best. I like toys that are based upon imaginary play (so action figures or dolls are good), ones that are small (so magnetized games are great), ones that are low-tech (no loud sounds or annoying lights, and no need to bring batteries). I like small puzzles that can be done and re-done, or toys that involve something to figure out (my boys love transformers), but they can't have too many pieces. We bring a large number of small paperback storybooks and usually a chapter book for me to read when the ride seems long. We like mysteries or adventure stories, but classics are fun, too. On our last trip, we read a children's version of Treasure Island. For boys who love pirates, it was something they never tired of listening to.

That probably seems like a standard list of basic ideas, but the trick is this: pack your toys and books into a few separate packages and introduce them to your children in stages. And be sure to reserve a small bag of totally new books and toys for the ride home. If we're planning on being away for two weeks, and my children have had the same 10 books the whole time, they are so sick of those stories by the ride home, that all I hear is complaining. So, I try to keep a little mystery in the ride for them. At the end of each day, I pack up some toys and put them away until later in the trip. On our last vacation, I even packed one brand new toy into each of their suitcases. It was "the hotel toy", and they could only play with it in the hotel room. (It was my smart idea to avoid having to schlep everything up from the car all the time.) It worked beautifully. Never underestimate the power of something new.


If you and your family are going away for the long weekend, please have a safe and pleasant trip. I hope you come across some exciting new things along the way. Hopefully, you'll discover what we have discovered -- that the art of the long car trip is not lost, and that there's no reason to dread the road that takes you where you're going. If you can discover new things along the way and treat yourself to the joy of getting OFF the expressway for a while, you will find that getting there can be just as much fun as the rest of your vacation.

Happy Fourth of July!

Midwest Mom

Summer Fun Idea #1: the Library

It's July now, and that means summer vacation is halfway over. It also means that the hot weather is only just beginning. There is the danger of summertime boredom hitting soon. As the weather gets hotter, even visits to the playground or pool will start to seem routine. We need something new, so it's time to hit the books.

Two out of my three children are now readers, and they have read and re-read most of the books we have at home. Our local library (aside from being an air-conditioned haven on the hottest days) has endless adventures for them to lose themselves in. The children's department has learning games on the computer -- a special treat for my kids -- and themed reading programs for elementary age kids.

When we go, we visit the picture books to choose new stories or old favorites. I also let my children chose one non-fiction book, to learn all about something new. Last week my five-year-old chose a book about Platypuses. My older one chose one about space exploration. These are things I cannot teach them. Our library has music to broaden their cultural education, too. Finally, we go to the young adult fiction, to choose a chapter book for me to read to them. Lately, we're reading The Hardy Boys, Secret of the Old Mill. It is such a treat to see them all on the edge of their seat when we get a real page-turner.

We visit the library in the morning, and on our library days, they will beg to read or be read to after lunch. There is nothing better for their minds or their imagination than practice reading. It helps them feel less restless. And guess what? It's fun for them that is free! This is no $3 carnival ride that is going to be over in two minutes. When they check out books, they get to keep them and read them for up to two weeks.

Going to the library is a great outlet to see school friends, too. When we're planning a visit, I usually phone a friend or two from school to let them know. It's always a surprise to see who comes by to meet us. Sometimes, the kids will even make a new friend or two.

So, instead of the pool or the fair or the park or the baseball diamond, give the library a try. It's the perfect cure for the summer doldrums.

Time for Me: the Sisterhood of Moms

I desperately need a haircut. I have for at least three weeks. I have made (and cancelled) at least two appointments already. Because it's summer, I fool myself into thinking the pony tail holder is okay.

But glamorous, it is not.

This is one of the awful truths of my life, and maybe, of any Mom's life... We are constantly making time for everyone else's priorities, but when it comes to taking care of *ourselves*, we are pitiful.

I know a woman who folds everyone else's clothes, but dresses herself out of a basketful of clean laundry.

I know a woman who paints her daughters' toenails on a weekly basis, but when I gave her a gift certificate to go get a pedicure, it took her a whole year to use it.

And then there's me... with my quarterly haircut.

Lately, I've been asked for advice from three new moms I know. All are about 6 months in to first-time mothering. And all are at their wits end. They fret about fussiness and fevers, they wonder if they should worry about their child's weight, teething, which foods are best, how much formula to give. And of course, there are the diapers.

I've told each of them the same things.

1) Every first-time mom worries about exactly the same things you are. When we say, "Relax! Take time for yourself!" Don't believe that we're taking our own advice. Because the only way any of us learned what to worry about and not to worry about was to worry about everything in the beginning. If there is a brand new mom who is not asking the questions you are, guess what? They are not as good a mom as they imagine.

2) With that said, "Relax! Take time for yourself!" Ha.

No, seriously. I think one of the best things I ever found was that if I could take even 15 minutes to do something independent -- that made me feel like the strong woman I was before "the transformation," I felt so much better about life in general. For every person, this is a different thing.

For my own mother, it was a hot bath. I remember once or twice a week, her locking herself in the upstairs bathroom and coming out with a face as red as cooked lobster and smelling like perfume. Afterward, there was nothing that we six (yes, I said six) children could do that could bother her. She was restored.

For me, it is the time I take in my garden. You may wonder how weeding or planting or watering can help me... I'll tell you. It is the silence of it. My children are all of the age where they can play in the yard while I work. But, spending time in the garden a few times each week can bring me back from the edge. I like tending something living, solving solvable problems, and enjoying the benefits of growing something truly beautiful. There are no lasting consequences there, and I like that.

So, when I say "Relax! Take time for yourself!" understand that it may only be 5 or 10 minutes a day at first. People don't understand that a new mom has to remind herself to shower and dress in the morning. Do it, and do it faithfully.

3.) You will make mistakes. Be sure to be as gentle and forgiving with yourself as you plan to be with your child.

Every mom I know has had times when she thought she was the worst mother in the world. I remember, when my oldest was about three months old, I nicked his finger while cutting his nails. I tell you, there is nothing scarier than drawing blood on your own child. I distinctly remember calling my mother in tears, and going over everything that had happened, including my use of every disinfecting agent and ointment in the first aid kit. "Can I use a band aid on his finger? Will he eat it and choke?" I asked, frantic. It was at that moment that I realized I could never be a trauma nurse. I think, in terms of baby-care, it was my all-time low.

The good news is that babies have little or no long-term memory. So, as long as you can keep away from psychologically scarring abuse, you're good. So, abandonment is out --and No, that doesn't include letting him sit in his bouncy seat fussing for a few minutes so you can go into the bathroom by yourself. Come on.

4) Finally, I tell them that the best response to the almost soul-crushing frustration that a new mom feels is...

(drum roll, please...)

A good nap.

When you are well-rested, your perspective will magically return. It has worked for me and for countless thousands of other moms.

Which brings me to this: becoming a first time mom brings you into one of the toughest sisterhoods on the planet. All the logic and reasoning you learned to succeed on your own in the world will be turned on its head when you become a Mom. But the good news is: You are not alone! One of the best things I did as a first-time mom was to find a group of other moms. We met once a week, at each others' houses, under the pretense of a "playgroup". It was more of a "roll on the floor and drool group", but playgroup sounds better. That group helped me so much in ways I cannot even explain, but the greatest way was just getting rid of the isolation I felt.

I live in a new town now, but have found that the Sisterhood of Moms does, indeed, have a local chapter! We find ways to support each other, laugh together, cry together, and share our lives in the best times and the most difficult circumstances.

So, to my new mom friends, Welcome to the Sisterhood.

... will one of you babysit so I can go get my hair cut?


Midwest Mom

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