If I had more time...

Beware the barrenness of a busy life. ~Socrates

Goodness! Our lives are so busy lately!

Between school and sports and taking care of the family, I don't feel like I have a moment to spare. Even after a big meeting or presentation or the completion of a big event, I don't have that sense of relief I'm used to. You know, the 'whew! Glad that's done!' sense of satisfaction that comes with a side order of 'now I can sit back and relax awhile.'

So, I've been thinking about what I would do with a little relaxation time.... if I had any. This is what I've come up with:

1. Exercise - I miss the days when I used to make time for exercise a few days a week. It was wonderful to have a little time that was my own -- time for self-care. When I was exercising, I felt healthier, stronger, sexier. I miss it.

2. Cultivate friendships - Mothers of toddlers are so good at fostering friendships, eager to cling to any passerby for a snatch of adult conversation. Now that my kids are in school, I find that my old girlfriends (and even family members) have scattered because of our very busy schedules. So, I'm wishing I had the time to tend my friendships better, to feel closer to the people I care about.

3. Read - At one time in my life, I was a voracious reader. I can still get caught up in a book, when I make time for it. Recently, in an effort to renew my library reading list, I started a discussion on BlogCatalog about Favorite Classic Novels. The lists that other bloggers contributed helped me to remember the wonderful wealth of literature I haven't been making the time to experience. If I had time, I would definitely use it to read.

4. Get Outdoors - It is sad to say that I have not camped once this year. And I miss it terribly. Now that fall is upon us, I know I only have a limited time to get outside and enjoy hiking and camping before a) I am in danger of being shot by a deer hunter, or b) I freeze my bejeebers off. So if and when I have make time, I'm definitely going to spend it outdoors.

5. Go to a High School Football Game - You might know that I am a crazy sports nut. But I have yet to go to a High School Football Game in my current town. How is that possible? - I ask myself. I have no idea. We are family friends with the coach's family. And I love football. I just need to make the time to get out there and go to a game. It's something I would love to share with my sons.

6. Rest - There is nothing so wonderful as an occasional rest. Being free from the demands of a busy life helps me to think deeper thoughts and to appreciate my family and the world around me. I smile more naturally and laugh more heartily. I find adventures. I wonder about things. A rested me is a healthier me and a happier me. So, soon I will make time again for rest.


In a week, my children will be home from school for their 3-week Fall break. It's amazing to think that I'm looking forward to that time as a release from feeling busy. But maybe it's not the number of things I'm doing, but the rigid time pressure of it all that has me bothered. I am looking forward to the lack of alarm clocks and the ability to play outside after dinner. I can't wait to acquiesce when my children ask for one more story at bedtime. We will eat when we are hungry and sleep when we are tired.

It will be a second summer, but chillier and more colorful.

When Fall vacation comes, I will finally have and make the time to do these things I'm wishing for.

Quite honestly, it can't come soon enough.


- Midwest Mom

Guilt

Oh, what a morning.

Somehow, I managed to upset all three of my children at one time or another this morning before school.

What is it about the transition from the easy summer mornings of pajama playtime and breakfast by 9:00 a.m. to the hustle of the 6:30 alarm, uniforms, bookbags, packed lunches, and tardy slips that turns me from the fairy-godmother-mom to wicked-stepmother-mom?

On school days, my children call my hairspray "grouch spray". It was true this morning. They all agreed I was a grouch, first class.

Thank goodness for their Dad, though. At breakfast, he made sure to give each child a hug and kiss and tell them how nice they looked. He brought a smile to their faces.

I wondered whether he was playing good cop-bad cop. Or good-parent bad-parent. I was conscious of the fact that I could have crabbed at him, too, for showing me up. In the end, though, I didn't mind. At least one of us had his priorities right this morning.

I spent a little quiet time on the way to school, thinking gloomily about missing them while they were gone. And I regretted being grouchy as a means to get them out the door on time.

I did my best to make it up to my boys by leaving them with an extra hug and kiss. They left the car with smiles on their faces, but it didn't help the feeling I have that I wasn't fair to them this morning.

I guess that's the reality of motherhood. Sometimes things don't go according to plan. Sometimes, I'm not the ideal parent I hope to be. I make mistakes; I'm impatient or crabby or hot-headed. And afterward, I feel guilty.

So, this afternoon, when the boys come home, I'll take the time to apologize. And I'll try to make the evening as positive and nurturing as I can.

At the end of the day, I hope that's the part they'll remember.

- Midwest Mom

Summer Vacation Survival Guide

Like most of the country, we are now on Summer vacation. It's a fun time to be a kid, but it can be a challenging time to be a parent.

Here are some tips to keep the schedule manageable and maximize your summer fun:

Make a Family Calendar: Try writing down weekly activities like dance rehearsal and wrestling practice, but also some of the fun activities you want to do regularly. Do you want to go to the pool a couple of times a week? Put it on the schedule. Write names next to the adults responsible for each activity. That way, Dad or Mom or Uncle Gerald become the go-to person to make the activity happen. Also include contact phone numbers for coaches, camps, or other contact people for each activity. Having all the info in a single place will make things easier when all doesn't go as planned.

Put Down-Time in the Schedule: While you're so busy writing down all the obligations, be sure to set aside time for family day or movie night. On Saturday afternoon, write "Mommy's Nap - Do Not Disturb." Claim your downtime. You deserve it.

Plan an Adventure: We like to have a conversation about adventure plans with our children at the beginning of the summer. We let them make one adventure wish that we work to make come true in the most creative way we can. One year, my 3 year old son's adventure wish was to ride a rocket to the Moon. So, we went to the Christa McAuliffe Planetarium while we were on vacation in New Hampshire. He got to ride a Space Shuttle simulator and touch moon rocks. The day ended with him sporting a planetarium T-shirt that said MOON and carrying a Curious George Rides a Rocket board book. Wish Granted.

Looking for an adventure activity? Try:

• climbing walls
• the zoo
• the beach/tide pools
• museums
• botanical gardens (ours has a great butterfly house!)
• the aquarium
• petting zoos
• farms/orchards
• water parks
• county/state fairs
  

Plan Outdoor Fun: I always laugh when I see my children ignoring 25 brightly colored plastic toys so they can play with rocks and sticks and mud. We try to spend outdoor time every day, just for them to have backyard adventures. But we also use hikes, canoe trips, and camping as a way to get away from the busy everyday and have peaceful time as a family. There is something wonderful about getting away from the phone and computer, the playstation and television, even electric light. We find it renews us.

Keep an Activity Bin: This is especially important for rainy days. Our art supplies, play doh, lacing/sewing games, and board games come out on days when going outside is not an option. I know many parents like to just give their children extra screen time on rainy days, but it's nice to have low-tech options that can help keep their minds active.

Encourage Pretend Play: Never throw away a big appliance box. Let your children make a sailing ship or a puppet theatre with it instead. It can be fun to give the kids space and supplies to create something of their own. If you support them through the planning stages and help with tools, you'll be surprised what they can come up with.

Keep Reading in the Game Plan: When I was growing up, our family used "Reading Hour" as our daily downtime. We went on a library trip every week or two and kept a ready supply of books available. After lunch, instead of naps, we had quiet reading time for 30-60 minutes. It kept our minds active and our imaginations engaged. Sometimes Mom would ask questions about what we were reading. It was always fun to talk to her about exciting stories.

Don't Leave School too far Behind: For my own children, I have added to the Reading Hour concept. I offer math workbooks and writing paper during down time. Surprisingly, they choose those activities about half the time. I also encourage my older children to keep a Summer Journal to write about their feelings and adventures. They even illustrate the stories in their journals. By the end of the summer, it really is stunning to see how many skills they have retained as a result.

Put your Kids to Work: If your children are too young for a summer job, they can still help around the house. We encourage ours to help with household chores like vacuuming, dusting, setting and clearing the table, cooking, and bathroom cleaning. They know that we are a family, and we are all responsible for keeping our home. So, just like we play as a team, we work as a team.

Maintain Friendships: Plan play dates with friends from school or trade babysitting with other moms. It can be fun to meet at the park or the pool and let your child's little herd of friends go wild while you stand on the sidelines to watch. Keeping in touch with friends can help your child not feel so isolated during the summer months, too. So, when summer ends and school begins again, their relationships are still strong.

Relax and Have Fun: It really is the key to a great summer. Do your best to let go and just enjoy being together. So, let go and laugh a lot. It feels great.

Good luck and have a wonderful summer! Today, we're off for a play day with my children's cousins. The weather will be HOT, so water play is a given. There's nothing quite like spending a hot day with cool fun.

p. s. -- When all else fails, bring out the Popsicles.

- Midwest Mom

Summer Means Letting Go

Ahhh... Today was report card day, and now the school is quiet.

We had a terrific time with teachers and classmates. We brought bubbles to the kindergarten class and pinwheels to the 2nd grade. It was fun to see even the older kids get a kick out of something so simple. We brought cards to teachers and cherry pies as special thank you gifts. (We baked them last night!)

And when all was said and done, we left the school with smiles on our faces. (I think the teachers were smiling too.)

I was talking with another parent on our way out of school. She rolled her eyes when talking about her family's schedule -- they juggle dance lessons and two sports on opposite sides of town during the summer. She seemed stressed about it, but happy that at least her mornings would be free now.

The conversation made me feel so grateful that we've taken a season off from sports. This summer there is no baseball, and after next week there will be no dance class. We're not signing the kids up for sports camps or College for Kids or anything like that.

They just get to be kids. And I just get to be Mom.

-sigh-

It was a relief to drive home and know that the only thing we have to worry about is whether the weather will be nice enough to go to the pool. Summer is freedom from the schedule, so the kids will sleep when they're tired and eat when they're hungry.

They're all sitting behind me right now, working at the art table -- taking time to be quietly creative. Why? It's just what they want to do.



They're letting go of the busy feeling. To me, that's what Summertime is all about.

- Midwest Mom

How to Survive Your Kids' Spring Break

Some time during the next month most American kids will enjoy the time-honored tradition of driving their parents crazy during Spring Break.

My kids are on Spring Break now, and because their school is on a balanced calendar, they're not just off for a week -- they're off for three. So, I'm called-upon to be part housemaid, part cruise director for a little while.

That means it's time to share survival strategies. Try these ideas to inject a little fun into your time together AND keep your sanity with a houseful:

Keep a morning schedule -- Have the kids do their grooming just like a school day. Set good habits early-on and they will be easy to keep later on in the break. (That way, you don't fight them to get out of their pajamas at 10:00 in the morning!)

Get Outdoors -- It's not 40 below anymore. Hooray! As long as there is no thunder and lightning, we are outdoors a good bit every day. Yesterday we walked 2 miles round trip to the grocery store. It was a windy adventure. We love to play in the yard and take advantage of empty neighborhood schools -- they have great playgrounds, you know!

Work in some Quiet -- Take time for yourself each day to write, read, workout, whatever. And get your kids to slow down too. We have a half-hour of reading after lunch when my youngest is headed to sleep for her nap. It restores our sanity and refreshes the soul a bit.

Try some Spring cleaning-- There's nothing like a little coin to motivate my crew to help. We have a list of Spring cleaning jobs that need to be done. A little time every few days does the trick to bang out the list. My guys have also asked to help with daily chores like washing dishes and -gasp- laundry. How lucky am I? (Hint: negotiate a price beforehand if you pay your children for chores.)

Hold Cooking Class -- On the first day of Spring break, I let my boys bake a cake from scratch. They were so proud of themselves. Bring your kids in on the supper prep and teach them to do it for themselves. We've made a list of foods my boys want to learn to cook and I'm teaching them one by one. It may take some time now, but I keep telling myself there will be a day when I'll sit back and let them run the show.

Get Creative -- Many schools have cut out art class because of funding and testing issues. It's amazing what a blank roll of newsprint and some tempera paint will bring out in your child. Make time for creative expression by providing crayons, paper, scissors, clay, and space to use them. Your child might amaze you.

Find Strength in Numbers - You're not the only parent who is up to their eyeballs in children over Spring Break. Call friends and arrange an exchange of play dates. Or meet friends at the playground. Moms can dish while the kids have a ball.

Have an Adventure Every day -- I ask my kids at breakfast what adventure they would like to have today. They have come up with some great ideas -- playing tennis, going to the children's museum, planting seeds in the garden, going for a hike. Putting your kids in control a little bit can be lots of fun for all of you.


Good luck, and enjoy your "vacation"... I'll do likewise.

Anybody want to meet at the playground?

- Midwest Mom