Web Safety for Kids

My kids have learned a lot from Mommy's blogging.

They have learned that:

1. People can choose whatever name they like when they are on the computer. No one called me "Midwest Mom" before I started blogging.

2. Every time you click on something, you're telling the computer that you want to "go somewhere" on the web. They've learned to be careful so they don't wind up someplace they never wanted to be.

3. All websites have a person behind the scenes -- the person who types in the blog entry, creates the graphics, programs the sound. Because of #1, they understand that the person behind the site is someone they don't know. Even Mommy's site has some unknown people -- advertisers and google techies -- who can read what gets typed in.


Learning these things from Mommy's blog has made it easier for my kids to understand the basics of how to keep themselves safe when they're on the computer -- at school or at home.

We have a few basic rules:

Kids shouldn't share their real names on the Internet. I tell mine to create a fun character name if they ever have to login or register at a site. And they are never to type in any information without my approval.

Kids shouldn't "chat" about their home, their town, their school, or their friends. They should not share their age. No legitimate website for kids is going to ask this information, so I've taught mine to be suspicious. (To remember that all sites have people behind the scenes, and they don't know who those people are.)

Kids and Parents should work together to make a list of approved websites. We keep ours in a special file in our "Favorites" tab. I give my children choices, but only from the list that I've set up in advance.

Kids should not click on advertisements. I've shown my children what ads are on the web and they know that you can click something and lose what you've been working on. They know they are not to click willy-nilly. And if a dialog box ever comes up, Call Mom! I want to be sure to keep my computer safe from unwanted downloads. My kids know that unwanted junk ruins the computer for all of us.

There are some great websites out there for kids -- sites that we approve of and use. If you're just getting started with your child on the computer, give these a try:

PBS Kids
ABC ya!
Cool Math 4 Kids
Jump Start World

I'll be writing more about Jump Start tomorrow (and psst! I'll be having my first giveaway!)

So, stay tuned and stay safe on the computer!

- Midwest Mom

We Don't Grow Couch Potatoes

Time for a true confession: we are TV minimalists.

Part of our parenting is to set limits on "screen time" for both television and the computer. We don't have a Wii or other video game systems, either. We've made that as a conscious choice, not because we think those things are evil or anything... just because we recognize that electronics can sometimes be time-suckers. If you're not careful, it can be easy to lose yourself in a game for longer than you want.

(My husband, for instance, went over to his brother's house last night to pick something up "real quick" and came back 45 minutes later. "Sorry," he admitted, "I got drawn into a game of Lego StarWars." I laughed.)

Video games have a way of bringing out the geeky teenager in a man.

But, I digress. We do set limits on television in our home, and we only let our children watch programs that we approve. There is some great, fun programming out there for kids. There is also some awful stuff masquerading as children's programming. We find it best to make our best choices and pass them along to our kids.

Some choices are no-brainers.

The Cartoon Network is out.

PBS Kids is in.
(My daughter actually will open our DVD cupboard and ask for a video by saying, "Can I watch some PBS kids?")

On PBS, our favorites are DragonTales, Word World, Arthur, CyberChase, and Design Squad. On the weekends, the kids might choose Thomas & Friends (an old favorite) or Anamalia (a new favorite.) It makes me chuckle to think that my boys also like Wishbone, a program that was on when I was growing up. (No, I would never share that... it would be instant poison for poor Wishbone.)

I love programs that have a language-component. So, I will let the kids watch Dora the Explorer and Go! Diego, Go! or Kai-Lin on Nickelodeon. We also love the music and imagination of The Backyardigans and WonderPets. They are fun programs that allow my children to stay in tough with their silly streak (without constantly relying on potty humor for a laugh a la CN.)

What I find as I parent is that my husband and I have different standards about television programs. I like more 'gentle' programs that teach a lesson. He's more, well, edgy -- especially with what he will let the boys watch. I remember him excitedly saying one rainy Saturday that there was a Loony Tunes marathon on. Thus, my children were introduced to cartoon characters with dynamite and animals hitting each other with 2x4s.

"Dad sure likes fun stuff!" my son observed, approvingly. Yep, he sure does. Thank goodness for Daddy, I thought. I mean, a childhood without Loony Tunes, is hardly American, right?

Because we aren't crazy about advertisements, we rely a lot on DVDs. (My daughter frequently gets angry about ads, because she wants her program back. I feel her pain.) Our video collection includes Franklin videos, Blues Clues, Dora, Winnie the Pooh, Bambi, and the Nick Jr. Favorites videos with one episode each of 4 or 5 different series. We also have Disney movies galore -- great for rainy afternoons!

Our collection is decidedly on the preschooler side of the age spectrum. I don't mind, because as my guys have gotten older, they have been less interested in watching a 30 minute video and more excited about having a Friday night Movie Night.

Ours usually look like this.

We do have a ball, I must admit.


But, I like to avoid this as much as possible.

(She's zoned out in front of Backyardigans.)

I take the fetal position as a sign that TV time needs to come to an end. Life is too precious to let it slip by while you're inside watching television. Today, the weather will get up to 70 degrees where we live, so we've got some serious outside playtime ahead!

Our TV-watching principles can be summed up like this:

~ Set Time Limits for Viewing

~ Make Choices that Reflect Your Parenting

~ Offer a Variety of Programs

~ Avoid Advertising when Possible, and

~ Don't let TV get in the way of Living LIFE!


Good luck making your own choices. The role television plays in your family life is up to you.


- Midwest Mom

Kids & Media: Getting Started

As a 21st century mom, one of my biggest challenges has been teaching my children about media and technology. I know I am not the only Mom who struggles to navigate the sea of information out there. Sometimes it seems like our children are bombarded by media in too many aspects of their lives, from too early an age.

I remember being horrified that friends would sit their infants in front of Baby Einstein for "stimulation".

I thought, "Stimulation?!? Isn't that what playing with the baby is supposed to do?"

Now that my youngest is three and my oldest approaches 8 years old, I have had to make hard choices about everything from what kind of television they can watch, how much TV is healthy, how old is "old enough" to start using the computer, and how to choose software and internet sites for my kids that are both fun and safe.

For us, the "ground rules" are:

1. Parents are the decision-makers in our home, so we have a very low tolerance for child-based marketing that presumes to sell something to our children. We will almost always opt for products or programs that do not have an advertising component.

2. Whatever my children view or play on the computer must have some learning value. It should provide something that 'real life' does not. In my opinion, diversion or entertainment is not enough to justify spending "screen time". So, with few exceptions, we don't engage in 'virtual' activities, like gardening or pet care, that would be better learned in a real setting.

3. I supervise what my children watch and what they play on the computer. I do not expect a 6 year old to have the judgment to know what is best; that is my job.

4. I never use the TV or the computer to be my babysitter. We set limits on the amount of time a child is allowed to be in front of a screen (30 minutes a day, tops.) Screen time is only allowed after other obligations around the house (homework or chores) are met, and each child must make choices about how he or she will spend the allotment.

5. We don't tolerate media that reinforces bad behavior. That means we don't watch violent movies or play violent games. Ditto with foul language (or, honestly, even 'edgy' language.) I consider it my duty to protect my children, so I don't expose them to the rough edges of the world. They'll get enough of that stuff just by living -- we don't need to beam it into our home.

As my guidelines probably telegraph loud and clear, I tend to be fairly conservative in what I allow. As the week goes on, I hope to share more about television, learning software, and the internet, including tips and safe site recommendations.

But, for now, what are your starting principles for your children and media? What are your ground rules?



- Midwest Mom

The Balancing Act

Problems arise in that one has to find a balance between what people need from you and what you need for yourself.

~ Jessye Norman

As a mother, I have always felt pulled and tugged at by the myth of what our lives should be, what my own life should be, and what exists in reality. I was a professional before I became a mother, and I decided early-on that I would not try to balance the life of a working professional woman and the responsibilities of motherhood.

I have never believed a woman could truly "have it all".

I believe that life is all about compromise and negotiation. I believed and still believe that having one foot in the professional world and one foot in the home would make me only half as good at either.

So, I made the choice to stay home.

But something in me is changing, waking up perhaps. Maybe it's because my youngest will be going to school soon. Maybe the act of writing our experience daily, weekly, monthly for the last ten months is the reason. Who knows? But I'm starting to think about old dreams long pushed to the back of the bottom drawer of my consciousness.

I'm starting to reconsider law school. I'm starting to re-hash my PhD research. My quieter moments are filling themselves up with a tiny voice calling to me.

Be more.

It's time to be more.

If I'm honest with myself in those moments of wondering, I will come to the same conclusion I always have -- law school is too expensive. My PhD required for me to live and work in Russia, where I wasn't at all happy. I was surrounded by women who had made the conscious choice to let strangers raise their children so that they could pursue their professional dreams.

And yet, if I'm so busy being honest, I have to admit that I miss those dreams. I wonder what would have happened if I had fulfilled them.

There is a part of me (would I admit this to my children?) that still puts the words "just a" in front of the word Mom.

It's hard to admit, but there it is.

Even though I believe that my children are a gift and no other person in the world could do what I am doing to raise them, my mind aches for more challenging work and my spirit aches for acknowledgment.

But I don't like to wallow, and introspection only gets a person so far. Action requires risk, but if I don't take a chance now, I'll never know what the future may hold for me.

I feel like I'm at the jumping-off place and I need to re-start the portion of my life that was unquestioningly put on hold. I'm just not sure how to start.

But I do need to start.

- Midwest Mom

Welcoming Bees to your Home Garden

I have come to love honeybees. My vegetable garden relies on them and other pollinators to be its most productive.

Last year, there was a good bit in the news about commercial bee colonies dwindling down to nothing. It was a phenomenon called Colony Collapse Disorder. As a home gardener living in a Midwestern small town, I was concerned. Farmers rely on pollinators, just like I do. As I found out on The Great Sunflower Project website, bees are responsible for every third bite of food in this country. (And as my boys will remind me, honey tastes awesome on home-made biscuits.)

That's why we've done a few things here on the homestead to help honeybees and pollinators of all kinds to get a leg up.

First, we have eliminated all pesticide use. That means, we do not use lawn fertilizer with grub control or spray insecticide wash on our roses. There has been no spraying the apple tree. I will honestly say that there are plusses to a pesticide-free approach -- I don't have to worry about dangerous chemicals and my children's health. I also don't have to worry that a chemical is blindly damaging the beneficial insects in the garden because it can't tell them from the pests. The only drawback I've encountered is that I have to be more vigilant about identifying pest problems. Honestly, though, it hasn't been too difficult. (I hope to write more this growing season about organic pest control.)

Second, we no longer use broad-leaf weed killer. One of the potential reasons researchers have found for bee deaths is that they may be suffering from poor nutrition -- they may actually be starving. One of the most prolific pollen and nectar sources we can offer bees is the clover that grows on lawns and roadsides. So, instead of killing it with weed & feed, let it grow. There is something wonderful about breathing in the sweet scent of clover and watching the bees work in the sunshine. How did we get to the point as human beings that we value a single-species grass-only lawn over the fragrant softness of a lawn with clover in it? To me, that seems out of balance.

Third, we have created a wildflower garden. Every state has native plants that thrive on the exact weather conditions that Mother Nature provides. They like the soil. They like the water level. They like the sunshine. Why not devote a border area of your yard to them? Our wildflower garden spans the entire back of our yard. We live in town, so it measures about 20 ft by 60 ft. We rake it clear in the Spring and seed it with a Midwest seed mix from American Meadows. Now that it's a few years old, only annual seed is requred. There are plenty of perennials that last from year-to-year.


Our Spring holds brilliant oranges and purples from Siberian Wallflower (above) and Dame's Rocket. Our Summer is blessed by prairie coneflower and evening primrose, zinnias, cosmos, sunflowers and calendula. And our wildflower border continues blooming all the way into the Autumn. It is home to birds and butterflies, some of which we have only seen since we put it in. Last year, we had the joy of watching three pair of goldfinches feeding there daily. The border improves our drainage and soil quality, too.

This year, though, we're planning to do even more. Our family is participating in The Great Sunflower Project's nationwide bee survey. Yours can too. It's super-easy.

Here's how it works:

Home gardeners from all over the country login to Great Sunflower Project and register their home garden. I had to answer some questions about how large my garden was, what kind of sun and water it gets, and whether I live in an urban or rural area.

The Great Sunflower Project will send us free seeds to plant our own Lemon Queen Sunflowers. We promise to care for the plants, and once they bloom, to time how long it takes for 5 bees to come to the sunflower.

Participants will supply information to help complete as large a bee survey as can be gathered.

I am excited to try it with my children. We will plant and care for our sunflowers together, and then I will let them regularly measure the bee population and take pictures to send in. The program is entirely free, and the Great Sunflower Project website has terrific information on bees of all kinds.

What a great way to teach your children about the ways that nature and science can go together. Participating in the Great Sunflower Project would be a great idea for Girl or Boy Scouts or homeschoolers, too.

I hope you'll give it a try!

- Midwest Mom